--- 0018 test test test click
--- 0028 click
--- 0056 click
--- 0115 Hello what time is it? Anyone know? It's what? 7:50 beep beep I'm here at the Franklin
Institute beep beep where the very willing beep beep [unintelligible] comes up [cuts off]
--- 0150 hi um ah I'm testing it now. Um this works. The time is now - do you know the time? The
correct time? Hi 20 to ok thankyou click
--- 0226 click
--- 0244 mm. ok works fine bip
--- 0302 Oh- I think we're still - in grave danger. click
--- 0323 Hi um yeah some antiterror going on here too. Let's see, I've got 5 minutes and then
it'll come up? Bye. Click click
--- 0350 I'm conducting a test of the uphone system. Neigh. Bip
--- 0414 Er this is another test. Bye. bip
--- 0425 er yet another test. cough. bip
msgDec05 15:05 US hello? click
msgDec05 13:20 US We were on an American Airlines flight on the Wednesday before Thanksgiving
when we encountered a rude stewardess. We asked for some water, god forbid to be poured into a
bottle that we brought on board with us - and she went on to be rude. We laughed later on at
how rude she was, becuase it seemed inappropriate. Then we began to draw some pictures - this
me & my girlfriend - and we were laughing because the pictures were very funny that we were
drawing. Not disturbing anyone around us but just laughing amongst ourselves. Uhm - she
approached us, confronted us and told us that we were a danger and hazard to the rest of the
aircraft and to her - and she threatened us with arrest from the air martial that she advised
us was on board and already notified of our childish behaviour because we were drawing
pictures and laughing. Uhm and she told us that the air martial would take us off the plane if
we quote so much as smirked or smiled one more time. Interesting. Thankyou. That was American
Airlines flight 149 the day before thanksgiving. click.
msgDec02 13:15 US upload to the er um [unintelligble] um [unintelligble] um the so this is sorry?
um the the [unintelligible] airlines the um click click ah number new york and london sparrow
population [unintelligible] sparrow population declined - really? - yeah an indctment of urban
environments around the city [garble] click and right now - wow - of course the benefits - terrific
- [unintelligible] its the same - the sparrows click so with this - um- click the sparrows um, um
click [unintelligible] the idea is [garble] um [uninteligible] - hello? say again? oh hi how you
doing . yeah [uninteligible] yeah [unintelligible]
msgNov27 22:50 UK Yeah well we got burgled by the special branch and they broke a plate glass
window - irreplaceable gonna cost us about a grand - this was on the eve of george bush's visit to
london - and they just went through a lot of files [unintelligbile] buggers - er that's the report
click tone
msgNov24 15:29 UK rumble click tone
msgNov15 09:57 UK scene: a crowded cafeteria, chatter & music
msgNov14 13:30 UK Hello yeah I've got an antiterror report to file. On the 14th, Friday the 14th of
November, and um basically these 2 friends of mine have been doing a webcam project. Really nice,
called uh Short films about flying. Where they've been rerouting webcams from this corporate webcam
service provider thing which has stationed these webcams all over airports all over america. And
they're quite amazing, the cameras, you can kind of pan and zoom and check out the aircraft taking
off and the support services people pottering around and cleaning stuff up and refuelling the
aircraft - they've been up for about 2 years, it's really, it's quite interesting. Anyway what my
friends have done with it is they've sort of hijacked these cameras and re-routed them so that
theyre displayed on their own website with um little kind of film-like credits and cheesy music
from random internet streams, and it's kind of arty. And works really nicely. But anyway the day
before they were going to show it, um apparantly these webcams were all shut down because it was
seen as a terror threat to have random or publicly accesible cameras to look at an aircraft taking
off and taxiing, that was seen as a threat to the security of these aircraft. So the companies had
to take all their aircraft cameras off line. So it kind of put a put a spanner in the project. Bye.
click tone
msgNov11 21:02 UK Hello i'm just testing the antiterror report line let's see if it likes the new
network ok click tone
msgNov14 11:07 UK Well i'm glad to hear the uphone is bak on the telephone line at least - uh -
lets see if its on the network as well, that will be interesting. click tone
msgNov10 20:49 UK testing testing monday november - click tone
msgNov18 15:55 US music click click
msgOct03 15:50 US ping i can't see the [unintellible] at all - you can't bip click
msgOct03 15:45 US what leave it on for a sec that sounds like - leave it on - it will stop that sound -
bip click hiss
msgOct01 18:15 US [garble] hello hello? click
msgOct01 14:55 US [unintelligible] interupted where did - because it was carriyng - .. they were
actually and not letting at all turned out to be the mayor of baltimore, the guy that got on the
phone and talked about [unitelligble]. ok click
msgSep24 18:30 US So Hi my name is Santiago [unintelligble] I'm a Colombian citizen teaching now at
UMBC interactive art and advanced internet art, and um basically I travelled to the United States,
Miami, on Thursday August the 28th. I was supposed to see my boyfriend in the evening, he was going
to stay with me and drive me to the airport to go on to Baltimore, but basically he - his
ex-boyfriend was literally trashing his place, he was destroying his apartment, so he couldn't take
me to the airport and I had to take a cab in the morning. Friday, the airport was absolutely
impossible to move around - it took me 45 minutes to get to the counter of American Airlines - they
checked my bags and everything and I went through to security - to find security was empty, there
was nobody there. And I said ok - well this is my good luck day so I went through security and
there I was stopped by 5 policemen who - the first thing they said was, oh he has a new york state
drivers license and I said ok so this is because I'm Colombian or what? - as a Colombian they
always check you, they always stop you, they always do - well you're a Colombian - I was already
used to this happening and said I wanted to catch my plane and OH they said, you should be worried
much more about - and I said I have nothing to worry about - with now 10 policemen around me and
FBI agents and everything so they searched my bags, I lost my plane, they opened everything and
were asking me if I had something that would harm any of the policemen and I said well - my leather
harness? my gay flag? and there I was showing them the cover of the magazine where I'm in drag and
actually - I just had no idea what was going on and they said OK you have to go to the FBI
headquarters in Miami and I said OK. Well they took me up to the FBI and I was talking about my
only reference to Baltimore which is that movie called the Sum of All Fears where Baltimore was
destroyed by an atomic bomb - oh well. And so they took me and basically I had these ideas and I
asked, is Joseph Hayley around? And they said, well maybe but tell us everything you know about
him. I thought that he had killed my boyfriend, I thought he was, because he was destroying the
apartment I thought that he killed him or he did something - I don't know what - then INS arrived
and they wanted, they were threatening to deport me, as a Colombian of course so thank god I knew
all the phonenumbers - thankgod my papers were OK, I was going to be teaching here at UMBC - well
finally at 4:30 after questioning and questioning and just a [unintelligible] sandwich for lunch,
the FBI agent comes in and says, you're fit to go! and I said well what happened? Well, Joseph
Hayley, the boyfriend of your boyfriend accused you of being a terrorist and trying to blow up the
aeroplane and not only that, blow up a federal builidng in Baltimore. And I said what? I can't
BELIEVE that angry queen is doing this to me. I can't BELIEVE that this is such a soap opera. And
of course I started crying - they were nice, They were a little bit homophobe of course. Not all of
them, there was this fantastic CIA agent, she was so cute - but basically there I was the whole
day, I missed my airplane, thank god I had nothing to fear and nothing to lose - but basically the
guy is now in jail. Because he accused me. he is the terrorist right now. And of course he used the
fact that I was Colombian and I was an artist and I was the boyfriend of his boyfriend and he used
it against me. And well thank god here I am, at UMBC, teaching. Bye.
msgSep22 22:50 US OK beep beep. Its beep beep ya beep beep ya oh ok beep beep probably beep beep.
Basically I was working beep beep in San Francsico after 9-11 and um beep bascially I was going to
as an architect to survey space. Or to check out someones - a client's space in a building, I
would be going and doing that. And um there was especially one occasion beep beep at 223 Bush
street um South building where I was trying to simply access the clients' space, and basically I
followed all of the building protocols that one normally follows to er access space, calling the
client first and then the builing management and letting them know that I would be coming. I got to
the building and signed in at the desk - the person, the security guard, just asked me what my
business was, I said I was an architect for this client and supposed to be looking at the space.
Then I proceded to give my card to him and walk up the stairs - or actually the elevator. And when
I get to the top, I procede to wait like 10 minutes. Usually they're there to open the door for
you. So I called my client and said I'm here but somehow I 'm having trouble getting into the
space. And finally two more guards came up to the floor and they asked me what I was doing - and I
said I'm trying to access the space. And my client rang up in fury. But basically the guards were
questioning who I was and if I was really from my architecture firm, and all of that. And basically
I really had no idea - I asked, is there a protocol that I should be following? - and they were
just confused, they were fumbling and not really able to, to respond so eventually the client was
angry and I was gvien access to the space. And then on the way back down I went to the security
guard to sign out again to leave the building, and he just proceded to ask me questions about my
last name which um seems interesting becuase I'm married and my last name is now [Har-feris] and
for some reason this was of interest to this guy and beep beep he did this long kind of monologue
narrative about how I may be, you know there are a lot of interesting people in San Francisco and
how I may be - it just went on - beep beep how I might be someone from south east asia who has
adopted middle eastern religious practices that you know, that a lot of people do have and your
last name makes me wonder, about that. So that's basically the story. click.
msgSep09 15:10 US CLICK
msgSep03 12:15 US tone oscillating tone tone
msgAug30 18:30 US click press start start star please click sound
msgAug22 15:10 US car horn giggle don't think [] ok ooh click
msgJun30 UK Ah hi it's me calling again from Heathrow airport um I've been detained at the gate
for ah almost 45 minutes for wearing a tshirt with a picture of a gun on it. But the security told
me that I couldn't leave the desk, couldn't make phonecalls, that I couldn't um sit down, I had to
stand there and wait while the security officer went and spoke with his superiors he said he
checked with the police and he checked with his superiors and he said it was up to British Air
[cuts off]
msgJun30 UK OK. British Airways has released me and will let me on the flight even though I'm wearing my
tshirt. The very sweet senior customer service agent said she hadn't heard anything about any dress code
and she thinks they were just being oversensitive. So i'm going to get on my flight and apart from having
wasted the last hour, I'm relieved. Bye.
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